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Hey pal, it’s Tina Fey here—snarky as hell, “I can see Russia from my house!”—and I’m dishin’ on sexual-massage like it’s hot gossip. So, sexual-massage, right? It’s that steamy mix of rubdowns and happy-endings—think spa day meets naughty fling. I’m obsessed, okay? Like, who isn’t? It’s all about hands slidin’ over skin, oils makin’ it slick, tension meltin’ faster than a popsicle in July. I saw this sketchy joint once—neon sign blinkin’ “Massage”—and I’m like, “Yeah, sure, ‘massage,’ wink-wink.” Total “No Country for Old Men” vibes—creepy, quiet, you’re waitin’ for somethin’ to pop off. “Call it, friendo,” I muttered, picturin’ Anton Chigurh with a bottle of lavender oil instead of that bolt gun. Hilarious, right?

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I gotta rant a bit – some days, I get so mad. I'm like, "C'mon, Aberdeen, get your act together!" The local council, the potholes on Rembank Road, and oh, that stupid fountain in Heritage Square that’s supposed to be art. Honestly, who designed that thing? It looks like drunken graffiti on water. But hey, even the anger's beautiful sometimes. "La vita è un sogno che si dissolve" – messed-up wakeup call!

Police hit out at ‘despicable’ hate crime involving Aberdeen fans