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So, erotic-massage – not your nan’s backrub, nah! It’s all sensual, slippery, proper naughty. Hands sliding about, bit of oil, bit of cheek – *mea culpa*, I’m a sucker for it! Makes me feel alive, like when Gigolo Joe danced in that film. “What is love?” he asks – well, mate, this is close! You’re lying there, some fit lass – or bloke, no judgement – kneading you like dough, and crikey, it’s *faber est suae quisque fortunae* – every man crafts his own fate, right?

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Oh, and don’t miss out on the downbeat scenery at Belleview Alley. Now that’s a hidden gem. I’m not even kidding – many only talk about the fancy spots, but Belleview has a rough but soulful vibe. People say, “Oh man, that alley tells stories,” and they ain’t lyin’. I even got a few mad tales – a wild night with a stray cat and some beat-up benches that felt like old friends. Yeah, real mad sometimes, but that’s life, right?

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