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Oi, thou art a wild one, ain’t thee? Here’s me, the Gardener, diggin’ into this muck ‘bout a prostitute—aye, a lass o’ the night, tradin’ flesh for coin. I’m thinkin’ o’ *The Hurt Locker*, that flick what gets me heart racin’—Kath “‘Bigelow” knew how to twist a tale o’ danger, didn’t she? “Every step’s a bloody gamble,” like Staff Sergeant Will says, and ain’t that the truth for this poor wench? Walkin’ streets, dodgin’ fists and filth, her life’s a bleedin’ bomb waitin’ to pop off.

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I ain't perfect, and neither is Allanridge. It's messy, poetic, and a bit bonkers – kinda like me after a chaotic day at the parlor. Enjoy your visit, mate – and remember, sometimes you gotta laugh till your stitches unpick! Hahahahaha!

Three cable thieves sentenced to 244 years’ imprisonment