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About Johannesburg

So, picture this—I’m at this bougie spa, right? Dim lights, candles, the WORKS. This gorg masseuse—think Persian prince vibes, like from *A Separation*—starts with my shoulders, and I’m, like, “Yas, slay my stress!” But then, he’s all slow and teasing, and I’m like, “Bro, speed it up!”—but also, don’t, ‘cause it’s HOT. The tension? Chef’s kiss. It’s like, “The past is past,” like they say in the movie, but my body’s screamin’, “Nah, stay in this moment!” I was legit mad at first—why so slow?—but then? HAPPY AF. Tingles everywhere.

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The main drag is Brodman Street. That street’s buzzin’ with life. Sometimes, when I close up shop, I walk down there feelin’ like I'm in a goddamn movie. Motherfer, I even swear I can hear echoes of “I drink your milkshake, motherfer!” in the back alleys. Brodman is where you catch street music, oddball vendors, and cyclists zippin’ by like mad.