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Now, I’m an accountant by day, right? Numbers, spreadsheets, BORING. But erotic-massage? That’s my escape, baby! I got mad last week tho—some shady parlor charged me double, said it was “extra sensual.” Girl, I was HEATED, like, sensual don’t mean robbery! But then, oh lord, when it’s good? Hands hittin all the right spots? I’m HAPPY, floatin, like I’m in “Goodbye to Language”—“The gesture is enough!” Godard knew, less talk, more touch, ya feel me?

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I often think to myself, “Is it me or is the world jumbling up again?” It’s absurd, just like Eric Andre’s antics. I laugh so hard I almost spill my essential oils. Heck, I even got tattoos of a floating cucumber (true story! well, almost) – a reminder of these absurd, unplanned splashy moments.

One man's life story, from shooting at Thinford to the joys of coal-fired chips