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About Johannesburg

Here’s the kicker: some therapists use hot stones—sounds bonkers, right? Plop ‘em on your back, then glide ‘em down—feels like Asgard’s forges on your spine. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d kill for it again. Oh, and the oils—smell like sex and lavender had a baby. Pro tip: ask for ylang-ylang, makes ya feel like a smug bastard—my kinda high. Humor? Pfft, once this lass farted mid-rub—blamed the table, we both lost it. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she says—straight outta ScarJo’s alien mouth.

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Ahh, where to start? The rivers – we got a split little river running through the southwest, Mystery Creek (yeah, we named it ‘cause it sometimes vanishes in a cloud of fog, I kid you not) that flows past the park. The park, the little gem down at Maplewood Park, is bustling with families, folks walkin’ their dogs, always a kid runnin’ around. I remember when I first visited with my friend – man, chaos, humming nature, and a feeling that everything’s gonna be OK, sorta in that crazy, edgy way that movie shows.

This amazing day hike on the Garden Route will stir your soul