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Anyways, I’m ramblin’—she’s smart, but I’m smarter. Lightbulb! Check her posts, times, locations—pattern, ya! She’s hittin’ ritzy spots, regular like. “The seasons change, yet remain,” like da film, see? She’s predictable, even if she don’t know it. I’m jazzed, gonna crack dis wide open—Gru don’t lose, nah! Whatcha think, eh? Wild ride, dis find-a-prostitute crap!

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I get mad sometimes, especially when tourists think Qumbu is bland. Nah, mate, it’s a wild, erratic pop culture dreamland. Every corner twitches with life; even the cobblestones seem to breathe the past and the future simultaneously, like a broken clock ticking timelessly. "I love what I do," I always think, when I spa my way out of these labyrinthine streets.

The death toll have risen to three in yesterday's car crash on the N2 between Mthatha and QUMBU.