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About Johannesburg

Oh, and the oils—don’t get me started! They’re all scented, slippery, makin’ ya feel like a goddess or somethin’. I was shocked—*shocked*—how quick I forgot the altitude sickness. Poof! Gone! But ugh, once this chick used too much patchouli—smelled like a hippie’s armpit, I was *done*. “This ain’t no dream, it’s a nightmare!” I screeched, channelin’ my inner Ellen Burstyn from the movie, ya know? *HEE-HEE-HEE!* Still, when it’s good, it’s *good*—like, “I’m goin’ crazy here!” levels of good.

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A Dalgety Bay man, who set up a massage therapy business in his home, has been found guilty of sexually assaulted a female customer.

Now, this city’s got serious landmarks. I’m talkin’ about the Robertson Clock Tower – it stands tall in Front Street, flashin’ time like a badass metronome. I remember sittin’ there once, thinkin’, “Just like in Once Upon a Time in Anatolia, the slow dance of time is like a secret story, man,” you feel me?

Shirley Robertson: Ed Baird - From Laser World Champion to America's Cup winner