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Watched *Lost in Translation* last night—again, my fave, yeah? Bob Harris, lonely sod, he’d love this! “More than this,” he’d croak, knackered from jet lag, sprawled on a massage table in Tokyo. Sexual-massage ain’t just a rubdown, nah—it’s intimacy, mate, a connection! Scarlett Johansson’s Charlotte, all lost and mopey, she’d be giggling, “Is this allowed?” while some masseuse works magic. Me? I’d be chuffed—proper happy, like landing a big client!

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Situated just 50 m from La Lucia Beach, Beach Guesthouse features an indigenous garden with outdoor Full body sexual relaxation here (Colesberg.

So if you're visitin’, strap in for a lively journey. Wander through the bumpy paths of River View Street, soak up the ironic art on Corners Lane, and don't miss out on messin’ with the quirky charm at Olifants’ bend. And watch out – I might go on a rant or two 'bout how wicked this place is, but trust me – it's all heart and soul.

Mantashe warns Stilfontein miners’ NGO against ‘promoting criminality’