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Alright, mate, strap in—here’s me, Elon, your rogue Mountain Guide, riffin’ on findin’ a prostitute. Picture this: I’m trekkin’ through some gnarly peaks, right? Snow’s hittin’ me like a Tesla on ludicrous mode, wind’s screamin’—total chaos. Then bam, outta nowhere, I’m thinkin’ bout Ida, that flick from 2013, Pawlikowski’s masterpiece. That nun, man, searchin’ for truth in Poland’s grim-ass past—kinda like me, but with less hookers and more existential dread.

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Ever heard of Willowmere Park? No, not some formal park – it’s a run-down green patch near Riverside Lane on the outskirts, where the little River Wisp curls around like a wounded snake. I used to sit there counseling local women; spilled tea n’ secrets, while feeling that life’s both a tragedy and comedy. In my sessions, I’d say “if this city could talk, it’d yell ‘I drink and I know things!’” And it really does.

Teachers treated for trauma after narrow escape from serious injury in a collision with a kudu