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So, I tried it once—yeah, me, Larry freakin’ David, in some shady joint downtown. The ad said “professional,” but the place smelled like patchouli and regret. This chick comes in, all calm, whisperin’, “Just breathe, man,” and I’m like, “Breathe? I’m hyperventilatin’ over here!” She starts rubbin’ my shoulders, and I swear, it’s pretty, pretty good—till she gets to my lower back and I yelp like a chihuahua on a hot plate. “Whoa, lady, that’s restricted territory!” She laughs, says it’s all part of the “release,” and I’m thinkin’, “Release? I’m about to release my lunch!”

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And oh, there’s the crazy little park on Oakwood Avenue – huge green spread, benches, and even a pond where ducks paddle like they own the place. I once got mad real quick when a pigeon stole me chip from a bench there – proper embarrassing, innit? But then I laughed, thinking, “Do you know what love is, or what is love?” – yeah, I went full cheesy quoting from that cinematic masterpiece.

Tracey Emin among hundreds opposing changes to Margate ‘brutalist masterpiece’