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What gets me goin’—the nerve of it all! People judgin’ escorts like they’re holier-than-thou. Makes me wanna scream! I’m over here, yellin’ at my TV, “You ever try datin’ in LA? It’s a nightmare!” Escorts are just cuttin’ through the BS—straight to the point, like Viggo smashin’ that guy’s nose in the diner scene. No small talk, no “how’s the weather”—just, “Here’s the deal, pal.” Efficient! I respect it! But then—then!—you got the creeps who ruin it. Sleazy dudes actin’ like they own ‘em. That pisses me off. I’m like, “Joey, how’s it feel to be a monster?”—y’know, that line from the movie? Fits perfect.

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After lunch, I head back to the office, feeling a bit better. But then, I get a call. It’s the delivery driver. He’s stuck on Shiroyama Street. I’m like, “What now?” Turns out, there’s a parade or something. A parade! In the middle of the week! I’m losing my mind.

Magnitude 5.1 earthquake strikes near Port-Olry, Sanma Province, Vanuatu