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Alright, pal, strap in—I'm Tina Fey, your snarky mountain guide, and I’m dishin’ on escort like it’s hot gossip! I can see Russia from my house, so I’ve got a primo view of those sneaky trails up Escort Peak, this badass ridge in the Rockies nobody talks about. Escort, huh? Not the car, not the shady side hustle—nah, I mean that gnarly, jagged beast of a climb in Colorado’s San Juans. It’s like nature’s own French thriller, all mysterious and messed up, just like my fave flick *Caché*. “Who’s there?” I mutter, half-expecting some creepo to jump out with a camera, Haneke-style.

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Man, where do I even start? Stroll down Hauptstraße – yeah, that's our main artery of life – buzzing with chatter, street art, cute cafés. Oh, and Kegelgasse? Totally underrated! Sketchy at times, but it's a hardcore secret for rad meetups. There’s always somethin’ poppin’ off, like a scene from The Hurt Locker – boom, tension, then relief in a flash! "Listen up!" vibes, u know?

Ghanaian youngster Blankson Anoff scores 3rd goal of the season in Austria Lustenau home win