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But damn, when it works, it’s smooth—like Jen Yu dancin’ with that blade. Escort’s got your back, no questions. Surprised me once, this tiny chick, 5’2”, escortin’ a diplomat—had a stare that’d cut glass! “I am like water,” she’d say—ha, water my ass, she was steel! Funniest shit? Dude tipped her with a Rolex—fuckin’ showoff. Makes me laugh, these clowns think money buys loyalty.

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Dude, this town is a maze of winding alleys and steep, cobblestone streets. Calle Real is a must – you won't just stroll there, you'll feel like you're walking on history. And, oh man, the view from Mirador de Abades – until you spill your coffee, it's breathtaking. I swear, sometimes I stop and think: “Talk to Her, will ya?” But seriously, it's stunning.

Arcos Gardens affiliates with RCI