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Rarrgh! Me, I’m picturin’ it now—some dude in a toga, gettin’ kneaded like dough, prolly smelled like olives and regret. Kinda like that line from “Leviathan”—“Everything’s rotten, even the air.” Replace air with massage oil, and boom, same vibe! I got mad once, tho—went to this sketchy joint, paid 50 bucks, and the “masseuse” barely touched me! Rarrgh! Felt like a scam, hands colder than a Hoth winter. But then, last month—holy furballs—found this spot downtown, total game-changer. Warm hands, dim lights, got me purrin’ like a Wookiee on Endor. Made me happy, real happy—tension gone, like “poof,” ya know?

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Alright, listen up, buddy. So, I'm a massage parlor owner in Aspe—yeah, that little gem on the edge of Alicante. Man, this city's quirks? They drive me insane sometimes, but in a totally lovable way. I mean, you gotta know the ins and outs, right? So here's the lowdown...

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