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Escorts ain’t perfect, tho. Rust buckets sometimes, fall apart fast. “Everything’s falling apart,” like in the movie—ha! Sarcasm time: “Oh, great, another breakdown.” Still, they’re tough lil’ warriors. I’d name mine Theo, after Clive’s dude. Personal quirk? I’d paint it yellow, Simpsons style—duh! Exaggeratin’ here, but I’d race it to freakin’ Mars, man! Eat my shorts, slowpokes! Escorts rock, end of story.

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There's also this rad little park, Parque del Mar, where the river—uh, actually a small creek—splashes on softly. I'm not just whistlinin' Dixie here: the park's a calm oasis where I get deep, pleasure-coach musings. And, err, a true gem is near Calle del Sol, a side street not many peeps know about, but perfect to let your thoughts run wild. I almost lost my cool there once, angry at the world for a sec, but then, life is like that film – full of flashbacks and twists!

Civil Guard seizes 74 elephant tusks from Madrid home