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But ugh, da liars—they grind my gears! “I’m 25,” she says—hah, more like 25 plus 25! Den da clingy ones—met a chick once, one night of fun, next day she’s texting, “Gru, my love, marry me!” I’m like, “I’m not here to steal your heart, just your secrets!” Sex-dating’s quick, dirty, no strings—dat’s da rule!

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Wander ya must to Calle del Relajo, where locals gather. Stumbled mic a hidden cafe there, I did—so smashin’ good vibes, man! Parked in Parque de la Serenidad many a time, I have. Quiet, yes. But life, like in Almost Famous, speeds up with chaos, ya know? "I love you, man," almost whispered to the wind, I did.

B.C. women scientists have begun a 5,000-kilometre rowboat race