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Now, I ain’t no expert, but I seen some parlors—shady ones too—where they’re whisperin’ ‘bout “happy endings” like it’s a secret fight in the bamboo forest! “I’ve kept it hidden too long!”—that’s what I’d say if I got caught sneakin’ a peek! Git-R-Done! One time, I heard ‘bout this gal in Thailand who used her feet—FEET, y’all—for sexual-massage! Surprised me so bad I near fell outta my chair laughin’! Who needs hands when ya got toes that talented?

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After that fiasco, I needed a break. So, I head over to the park by the Bjelovar Cathedral. It’s a nice spot, you know? I sit on a bench, trying to calm down. But then, this kid runs by with a balloon, and it pops right in front of me. I jump like I’m in a horror movie! The kid just laughs and runs off. Kids, man. They’re wild.

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