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Oi mate, gather round! Sexual-massage, eh? A ruddy fine art, that! We shall fight—on the tables, in the oils, we shall never surrender to a dull rubdown! Picture this—me, sprawled out, some lass or lad kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m thinkin’, “This is livin’, by Jove!” Reminds me of *Boyhood*—y’know, Linklater’s gem—where life just rolls on, messy, raw, real. “I just thought there’d be more,” Mason says, and ain’t that the truth with a half-arsed massage? You want the good stuff, the deep stuff—sexual-massage ain’t just a tickle!

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I hit up Stradun, the main street. It’s packed! Like, sardines in a can packed. Tourists everywhere, takin’ selfies. I mean, c’mon, it’s just a street! But then I see this street performer. He’s playin’ the accordion, and I’m like, “Dude, you’re killin’ it!” I toss him a kuna. He gives me a nod. I feel like a local for a sec.

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