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Oi mate, brothel, yeah? Wot a place! Me, stumbling in, all clumsy like—oops!—trippin over me own feet, ha! Them ladies, all dolled up, gigglin at me—bloody hell, I’m red as a tomato! “Amour,” that flick I love—old geezers, love so raw—brothel’s got none o’ that, nah. Just quick fumbles, cash on table, wham bam! I’m mumbling, “Hullo, erm, wot’s this then?”—they laugh more, cheeky sods.

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After that, I strolled down to the beach. The sun was shining, and the water looked like a postcard. I thought, “This is it! This is the life!” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my croissant right outta my hand! Like, seriously? I’m just trying to enjoy my morning, and you gotta be a thief? I was mad, but also kinda impressed. That bird had skills.

Thousands of people swim across Lake Balaton – PHOTOS