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But ooooh, I got mad once—some sleazy spa guy thought “sexual” meant grabby hands. Nuh-uh, sweetie! I was like, “You ain’t carvin’ no swastika here, buddy!”—channelin’ my inner Hans Landa, ready to flip tables! It’s about trust, connection—not cheap thrills. Made me wanna scream, but then—happy vibes! Found this chick, total pro, hands like magic. Surprised me how it’s all energy—chakras poppin’ open, “You get a release!”

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But then, his mom comes in, and she’s all stressed out. She’s like, “He needs to look presentable for school!” I’m like, “Lady, it’s just a haircut!” But I get it. Kids these days, they gotta look fresh. So, I give him the best mohawk I can. He leaves happy, and I’m feelin’ like a rockstar.

Conference on Chinese culture