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Gets me giddy, tho, how it’s all hush-hush still. Why the taboo? I’m buzzing when that oil drips – texture’s unreal, like silk on steroids! But – plot twist – one time, mate, I booked a slot, yeah, and the geezer’s like, “No happy endings here.” Fair dos, I’m raging but laughing 2nd chakra opens up, I’m thinking, “Gigolo Joe would approve!” Reckon he’d say, “You’re a goddess, darlin’,” to the masseuse – smooth git! Me? I’m just tryna not blurt somethin daft mid-massage.

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After that, I thought, “Let’s hit the shops.” Big mistake. I went down the Church Street, and it was like a maze. I got lost. I mean, how do you get lost in your own town? I ended up in some random boutique. The clothes were cute, but the prices? Yikes! I almost fainted. I left empty-handed, but not before I tripped over a mannequin. So embarrassing!

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