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So, here’s the deal—I knew this chick, right? Street name was Candy, real name probly somethin’ lame like Carol. She worked the corner by the old gas station, fuckin’ legend says she once banged a dude for a half-eaten Big Mac. Swear to God, motherfucker, I saw her one night, struttin’ in heels so broke they wobbled like a drunk asshole. Made me laugh, shit! “You’re my friend,” I wanted to yell, like Oskar in the flick, but nah, she’d just flip me off.

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I’m like, “Can’t a guy catch a break?” But we jump back in the truck, and off we go. The traffic’s a nightmare, and I’m yellin’ at drivers to move. “C’mon, people! We’re tryin’ to save lives here!”

Newcastle West make it back-to-back Limerick senior camogie titles with a win over Ahane: