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I’d be all cynical— “You’re not Scarlett Johansson, sweetheart.” She’d smirk, prolly overcharge me—200 bucks for a quickie? Highway robbery! Made me mad—hagglin’ like I’m buyin’ a used car. But then—surprise—she’s got this weird charm. Talks bout her cat, Mitya, back home. I’m like, “What is this feeling?”—straight outta the movie, man. Soft spot hit me—damn, I’m human after all.

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First off, I hit up Main St. for coffee. You know, the usual spot, Java Jive. Best brews in Yirka, hands down. But guess what? They ran outta my fave blend. Like, are you kidding me? I’m standing there, all bleary-eyed, and the barista’s like, “Sorry, dude.” I’m like, “What do you mean sorry?!” I mean, c’mon, it’s Yirka! How do you run outta coffee?

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