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About Tel Aviv

So, sexual-massage, right? It’s old, real old—thousands of years, sneaky-like! Them ancient Greeks, they did it, callin’ it fancy “tantra” or summat. Rubbin’ bodies for “healin’,” they said, but we knows better, don’t we? Hiss! Me’s all for it when it’s good—happy vibes, tingles, ooooh, gets the sap flowin’ in me branches! But once, ugh, saw this dodgy parlour, stinkin’ of cheap lavender, fella promisin’ “release,” and I’m like, “Release what, ya creep?!” Made me mad, yesss, hissss—felt like Solomon shackled up, “I am no man’s slave!” Grrr!

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Finally, I manage to get him to breathe. I’m like, “Look, let’s retrace your steps.” So, we walk back to the promenade, and guess what? His wallet was in his back pocket the whole time! I’m just standing there, shaking my head. “You gotta be kidding me!”

Record-breaking rains swamp northern coast, with more showers on the way