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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—yep, that witty lil’ bastard from Westeros. I drink and I know things, and today I’m spillin’ the tea on escorts. Not the fancy car, nah, the *other* kind—y’know, the ones who charge by the hour and ain’t your mum’s bridge club pals. I’ve seen ‘em all, from King’s Landing to the dodgy alleys of Flea Bottom, and lemme tell ya, it’s a bloody wild world.

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First thing, I hit up the local café on Via Roma. Best espresso in Cassolnovo, hands down. I mean, if you haven’t had a shot from there, you’re missing out. I grab my usual, and the barista, Marco, gives me that look. You know, the “you’re gonna need this” look. I’m like, “Dude, you have no idea.”

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