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I’d be crap at it, tho. Picture me, “Uh, lady, you, uh, workin’?” She’d probly run off screamin’. I’d get mad, tho—like, why’s this gotta be so tricky? Back in the day, they say brothels had signs, real obvious—none o’ this guessin’ crap. Now it’s all sneaky online stuff—escort sites an’ codes. “Discreet fun”—yeah, right! Sounds like a scam to me, like when Bart tricks me into eatin’ soap. Grrr, hate that!

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Then, I decide to grab some gelato. I mean, who can resist gelato, right? I head over to this little gelateria on Via Garibaldi. I order pistachio, my fave. But the guy behind the counter is super slow. Like, come on, dude! I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking about how I could’ve made it myself by now. Finally, I get my gelato, and it’s heavenly. I’m walking back, feeling like life is good again.

‘Quiet Fireworks’ Promise Relief for Children and Animals (Published 2016)