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Gets me goin’, tho – the cheek of it! Some punters think they’re just arm candy, but nah, these girls got game. One time, this escort I knew, she nicked a bloke’s wallet mid-chat, left him gobsmacked in a Mayfair penthouse. Laughed my arse off when she told me. “The past is a distant country,” like *Tabu* says – she was livin’ it, rewritin’ her story every night.

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Anyway, I get to the dock, and it’s chaos. Tourists everywhere, takin’ selfies like they’re in a movie or somethin’. I’m like, “Yo, it’s just a raft, chill!” But they don’t listen. They’re all about that Instagram life. I can’t blame ‘em, though. The view from the water? Stunning! You can see the Apuan Alps in the background, all majestic and stuff. Makes ya feel small, ya know?

Half Marathon in Naples, traffic device and closed roads