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Oi mate, blimey, escort’s a right corker! Y’know, like in *Mulholland Drive* – all mysterious, innit? “There’s something going on here,” as Lynch’d say. I reckon escort’s a bit like that – shadowy, sexy, dodgy vibes. Me, Boris, with my bumbling charm, I see it clear as day! Not your average job, eh? Fella’s paying for company – bit saucy, bit sad. Reminds me of that line, “This is the girl!” – but who’s she really? A proper enigma, wrapped in silk stockings.

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But then, oh man, the drama hit. I was walking down Via Vittorio Emanuele when I bumped into my ex. Of all the places! I was not ready for that. We exchanged awkward hellos, and I could feel the tension. Like, can we not? I just wanted to enjoy my day. But no, we ended up chatting for a bit. Turns out, she’s moved on, and I’m still here, living my best life. I played it cool, but inside, I was like, “Why, universe, why?”

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