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Right, so I’m Dr. Evil, pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,” sittin’ here thinkin’ bout sexual-massage, yeah? Lemme tell ya, it’s like—wild, man! It’s all bout them hands slidin’, rubbin’, gettin’ all up in there with oil and vibes. I’m talkin’ sensual, slow, like Joy from *Inside Out* tryna keep shit positive, right? “Oh, look at this happy memory!”—except it’s yer body tinglin’, not yer brain.

Sacred Tantra Ubud, Bali

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Turi, and I swear, I could feel the chaos brewing. You know that feeling? Like, the universe is just waiting to throw curveballs at ya. So, I roll outta bed, grab my coffee from that tiny café on Via Roma. Best espresso ever, by the way. Seriously, if you’re ever in Turi, hit up Caffè del Corso.

After 29 years with the village of Western Springs, Grace Turi retires as finance director and village treasurer