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Picture this: dim lights, warm oil, some bird’s hands workin’ magic. “I’m watching you,” I’d purr, channellin’ Haneke’s paranoia from *Caché*. ‘Cept here, it’s groovy—nobody’s judgin’. Ever tried it? Muscles loosen, head spins—shagadelic! Once, mate, I got this massage in Soho—bloke used lotus oil, rare as hell. Smelled like heaven, felt like sin. Little known fact: Cleopatra—yeah, her!—she demanded erotic rubs with rose petals. Total diva move, love it!

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Then, I get a call about a fire on Elm St. I rush over, and it’s chaos. Fire trucks everywhere, people yelling. I’m trying to do my job, but it’s hard to focus with all the sirens blaring. Turns out, it was a small fire in a garage. But the drama? Oh man, it was like a soap opera. Neighbors were pointing fingers, and I’m just standing there, trying to take notes.

Kentucky State Police Investigates Fatal Collision in Warren County