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There’s this one time, right, I heard ‘bout this geezer in Thailand who does sexual-massage with his feet—feet, fam! I’m like, “Bruv, that’s rank,” but also, respect, ‘cos that’s skills. Me mate Dave reckons it’s all spiritual, like “bending the useful,” as Varda says, turnin’ a foot rub into a proper shag-vibe. I’m cacklin’ thinkin’ ‘bout it—imagine the stench, tho!

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Finally made it to the square, and it was packed. Vendors everywhere selling jerk chicken, festival, and all that good stuff. My stomach was growling louder than a dancehall party. I grabbed a plate of jerk chicken from this lady on the corner of George Lee Blvd. Best decision ever! I mean, that chicken was so spicy, I thought my taste buds were gonna file a complaint. But it was worth it.

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