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But here’s what ticks me off—people think it’s all dirty, shady stuff. Nope! It’s legit, therapeutic even! Like, vets massage pets to calm em, so why not humans gettin some spicy relief? I tried it once—don’t judge!—and the lady’s hands were magic, like “the buzz” from *Almost Famous*. I’m sittin there, feelin like a rockstar, goin, “I am a golden god!” in my head. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but it felt that epic!

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So, I’m working on this denture for Mrs. Sato. She’s sweet, but man, she talks a lot. I’m trying to focus, but she’s telling me about her cat, Tofu. “Tofu loves to nap on my dentures!” she says. I’m like, “Great, now I’m imagining a cat on teeth.”

Quake swarm puts city in bind over evacuation and virus risk