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So, I tried it once—yep, lil’ ol’ me! Got this fella rubbin’ oil like he’s polishin’ a Cadillac. Felt so good I hollered, “Well, slap my ass and call me sassy!” Made me happy as a pig in mud, but lord, the price? Nearly choked me—$100 for 30 minutes? I was madder’n a wet hen! Coulda bought me a new wig! But them hands—ooh, they knew tricks. Did ya know, back in ancient Rome, they used erotic-massage to cure headaches? Bet them senators was grinnin’ like fools!

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Finally, I get to the office. My boss is already on my case. “Where’s the report?” he barks. I’m like, “Dude, chill! I just got here!” But he’s not having it. I mean, come on! It’s not like I’m slacking off. I’m just trying to survive this crazy city!

Medical negligence: Doctors leave cotton pad in woman’s abdomen during C-section, attempt to hide error