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But here’s what gets me steamed—half these places, total rip-offs! You pay 80 bucks, expectin’ magic fingers, and it’s just some bored dude pokin’ your back like, “Eh, good enough.” I’m yellin’ in my head, “Gimme the quaaludes-level treatment, pal!” And don’t get me started on the “happy ending” rumors—makes me neurotic, I’m sittin’ there, paranoid, “Is this legal? Am I on a list now?” Pretty, pretty good way to ruin a buzz.

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After that, I’m wiped out. I head over to the local café on Kairat Street. Gotta grab a coffee and chill. I sit down, and the barista, this cool dude named Timur, he’s like, “You look like you’ve been through a war.” I laugh and tell him about my day. He’s crackin’ up, and I’m feelin’ better already.

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