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Favorite bit? When they graze the thighs—shiversss! Surprised me first time, nearly leapt off table. Thought, “Gollum don’t deserve this nice!” But nah, it’s for us all, sneaky pleasure. Pro tip: dim lights, soft tunes—sets the mood. “T’es pas gentil!”—I’d hiss at harsh bulbs. Amélie’d get it—simple joys, twisted into sexy.

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So I’m cuttin’ and hammerin’, tryin’ to channel my inner lumberjack. And let me tell ya, it’s a mess. Wood shavings everywhere, I’m sweatin’ like a pig. Aigul’s watchin’ me like a hawk, and I’m feelin’ the pressure. I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a magician!”

Yes, You Khan. No, You Can't: Proposal To Rename Kazakh Town Splits Residents