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So, erotic-massage—where do I start? It’s all about the vibe, innit? Dim lights, some dodgy incense, and bam—tension’s meltin’ like a cheap candle. I reckon it’s ancient, too—heard them Egyptians were at it, slatherin’ oils on pharaohs, makin’ em feel like gods. Little known fact: Cleopatra probs got one daily, that sly minx! Bet she’d say, “This is my war,” like Bigelow’s bomb lads, ‘cept her war was against a stiff neck.

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Aibek and I can’t stop staring. The dude orders a drink and spills it all over the counter. Classic. The barista, she’s not having it. She’s giving him the death stare. I’m dying inside. Like, how do you even manage that?

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