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About Ust-Kamenogorsk

Oi mate, so erotic-massage, yeah? What a bloody laugh! Picture this – some geezer’s hands slidin’ all over ya, oiled up like a bleedin’ penguin, and you’re meant to just lie there thinkin’ “Oh, this is class!” I mean, who comes up with this crap? Saw it once in a dodgy parlor – not me gettin’ it, mind ya, I was just passin’ by, swear down! – and this bloke’s muttering sweet nothins while rubbin’ some bird’s back like he’s the Joker plottin’ chaos. “Why so serious?” I’m cackling in me head, cos it’s all so daft!

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He gave me a lovely facial massage that lasted at least 15 minutes, then covered my face in a warm towel mask. He massaged my shoulders, upper arms, and upper chest, professionally .

After that, I decide to hit up a café on Zheltoksan Street. I need caffeine, like, yesterday. I order a cappuccino, and the barista is super friendly. We start chatting about the weather, and I’m like, “Yeah, it’s crazy hot for October.” She laughs and says, “Welcome to Balpyk-Bi!” I love that. It’s like a little inside joke.

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