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Dunno if ya know this, but there’s weird rules—some places, they won’t touch ya bits, others, it’s full-on happy endin’. Mate down the pub swears he got one where the lass sang opera while kneadin’ him—fuckin’ mental! Laughed me arse off, but now I’m jealous—where’s MY singin’ masseuse? Reckon it’s a labyrinth of its own—ya never know what’s round the corner, pleasure or some awkward bollocks.

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So I grab my tools, hop on my bike, and zoom down the streets. Balzers is small, but it’s got charm. The cobblestone streets, the cute little houses, and the sound of the Rhine River flowin’ nearby. It’s picturesque, right? But then I hit a pothole on Kirchstraße. Ugh! My bike almost flipped! I swear, if I had a euro for every bump in this town…

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