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Oi mate, blimey, here we go—erotic-massage, eh? What a bloomin’ corker of a topic! Picture this, right, me sprawled out, knackered from all that Prime Minister malarkey, and some genius says, “Boris, old chap, fancy a rub-down?” Cor, I’d be happier than a pig in muck! Now, I reckon erotic-massage is a bit like *Inside Llewyn Davis*—you know, that flick I’m mad about? All moody and soulful, but with a twist of saucy charm. “Ain’t no money in it,” Llewyn’d grumble, but crikey, this ain’t about cash—it’s pure *voluptas*, pleasure, innit?

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hauptstrasse. You know, the one with the weirdly good pastries? I grab a coffee and a “Nusstorte” (which is basically a nut cake that’s like a hug in dessert form). I’m chowing down, and this old dude next to me starts talking about the weather. Like, bro, it’s sunny! Who cares? But then he goes off about how the weather affects the fish. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a diver, not a meteorologist!” But whatever, I nod and smile.

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