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Funniest bit – this one time, matched a lass who only talked in *Memento* quotes. “Memory’s unreliable,” she texts, mid-date. I’m like, what the fuck, are we banging or solving a puzzle? Cracked me up, tho – ended up shagging anyway, so who cares? Sex-dating’s wild like that – half the time you’re confused, half the time you’re horny. Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I see through the madness, mate.

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After that, I head down to the Rhine. The water’s calling my name, ya know? I’m all geared up, ready to dive into the deep blue. But then, bam! I see this group of tourists on the bridge. They’re taking selfies, and one of them drops their phone. It’s like slow-mo, and I’m just standing there, thinking, “Dude, that’s gonna hurt.” And it does! The phone goes splat on the rocks. I can’t help but laugh. Like, who needs a phone when you’ve got a view like this?

Liechtenstein Maps & Facts