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Hooked up once—girl was chill, smelled nice. Thought, “This is it, Chewie’s in!” Then she bailed mid-date—said I growled too much. Fair, I guess. Still, felt like *Timbuktu*’s “silent suffering”—all moody and shit. Sex-dating’s a gamble, fam. Sometimes you’re the cow, grazin’ free—other times, you’re meat. Oh, and don’t get me started on dick pics—every dude thinks he’s Picasso. Rarrgh! Trash.
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After that little mishap, I keep hiking. I run into this old guy, Hans, who’s been living in Triesenberg forever. He’s telling me stories about the village. Apparently, back in the day, they used to have a cheese festival on the Kirchweg. I’m like, “Dude, where was my invite?”
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