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About Myself
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About Alytus
Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially this sex-dating nonsense. Geisha vibes? Sure, I’ll roll with it. Sex-dating’s like a damn meat market—swipe, bang, ghost. I’d rather wrestle a bear than Tinder. Watched *Caché* last night, that creepy Haneke flick—my fave. “Nothing is hidden,” they say, but sex-dating? All fake smiles and bad angles. Profiles lie worse than bureaucrats. Guy says 6’2”, shows up 5’8”—infuriating. Makes me wanna burn my phone.
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So, I roll outta bed, right? It’s like 8 AM, and I’m already late for my gig as The Herald. I mean, c’mon, who needs sleep? Not me, apparently. I rush to the café, and guess what? They’re outta my fave croissants. Like, seriously? Who runs outta croissants? I’m standing there, all grumpy, and the barista’s like, “Try the poppy seed roll.” Ugh, fine.
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