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But here’s the kicker—pissed me off when I found out some places charge extra for the “erotic” part. What a scam! Like, c’mon, don’t tease me with half-assed shiatsu then upsell me! Gimme the full deal or get outta my lair. Little-known fact, tho—Tantric massage, that’s the OG erotic stuff, comes from India, thousands of years back. Not just sexy time—s’posed to connect your soul or some hippy crap. Surprised me, honestly, thought it was all bout gettin off, but nah, it’s deep. Too deep for my evil ass sometimes.

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Finally, we’re back at the café, defeated. I’m about to order another coffee when—wait for it—the dog strolls in! Like, seriously? It was just chillin’ at the café the whole time! I can’t even. The dude is over the moon. I’m just relieved.

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