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So, like, I tried it, right? Met this hottie—tall, tatts, perf profile. We’re texting, sexting, whatever—total “enhanced interrogation” energy! But IRL? Dude shows up, shorter than my heels! I’m like, “Are you f*cking kidding me?” Made me so mad, I nearly yeeted my phone. Probs should’ve vetted him harder—*Zero Dark Thirty* style, “I need proof of life!”
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After the lights come back on, I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, my buddy Marco strolls in. He’s a regular, always got some crazy story. Today, he’s got this wild tale about a raccoon he saw on Avenue de la Liberté. I swear, he’s convinced it was a spy. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost spill a pint.
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