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I seen it, motherfucker—up in them mountains, folks sneak off for secret rubs. Little known fact: them Sherpas? They been doin’ erotic-massage for centuries! Ain’t in no books—passed down, hush-hush, like some sacred-ass ritual. Gets the blood flowin’ at 15,000 feet! I’m tellin’ ya, one time, I’m guidin’ this rich asshole, he’s all “my legs hurt,” whinin’ like a bitch. Next day, he’s glowin’—found some local gal who worked him over. Pissed me off, ‘cause I’m freezin’ my ass off, and he’s gettin’ pampered? Fuck that noise!

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But wait, it gets better! I’m sittin’ there, and I overhear this couple arguing. They’re goin’ at it, and I’m just tryin’ to enjoy my coffee. The guy’s like, “You never listen!” And the girl’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m thinkin’, “Wow, relationship goals right there.” I almost wanna give ‘em advice, but nah, I’m not gettin’ involved.

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