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So, check it, I’m pourin’ a whiskey, watchin’ this dude at my bar. He’s on Tinder, braggin’ ‘bout his “skills,” but I’m like, “Bruh, you ain’t smooth.” Sex-dating’s got rules, dig? Ain’t just dick pics and “u up?” texts. Nah, it’s a hustle. Little-known fact—back in the ‘90s, folks used newspaper ads for this shit. “Single G seeks freaky D,” real talk. Now it’s apps, but same game, yo. Gotta finesse it, not force it.

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So, I’m sitting there, hungry and annoyed, when I spot this old lady selling handmade jewelry. I figured, why not? I could use a distraction. I ended up buying this funky bracelet made of seashells. It’s kinda cute, but also kinda weird. I mean, who wears seashells? But whatever, it’s Jurmala, right?

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