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Oh, and the oils? Slippery as hell – nearly fell off the damn table once! Laughed my ass off, masseuse too, ‘til she’s like, “Pay up, clown.” Worth it, tho. Pro tip: don’t go cheap – sketchy places’ll leave ya itchy, not blissful. Trust me, been there, scratched that. Erotic-massage ain’t just a rubdown – it’s a vibe, a freaky lil’ escape. “I feel alive,” Joaquin said in *Her*, and yeah, that’s the deal. Now, go get one – don’t tell me ya won’t!

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But then, I get back to work, and guess what? The power goes out! Just my luck, right? I’m standing there in the dark, and I can hear people grumbling. I’m like, “Chill, it’s just a little blackout!” But no, they’re acting like it’s the end of the world.

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