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Ya know, I’m obsessed with *The Royal Tenenbaums*—Wes Anderson’s a genius, right? Sexual-massage fits right in that quirky vibe. Like Richie Tenenbaum, all moody and tender, gettin’ a rubdown to ease his broken heart. “I’m going to kill myself tomorrow,” he’d mope, but nah, bro—a good sexual-massage’d fix that right up! Soft strokes, warm oil, maybe a lil’ naughty twist—bam, tension’s gone, soul’s singin’. Makes me happy as hell thinkin’ about it.

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After that, I decide to check out the Varaklani Museum. It’s small but packed with history. I’m wandering around, and I see this ancient artifact. I’m like, “Whoa, this is cool!” But then, I trip over my own feet and almost knock over a display. I’m sweating bullets! The curator gives me this look like, “Dude, what are you doing?” I just smile and back away slowly.

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