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Sometimes I wonder—would I do it? Nah, too short, too mouthy. I’d be like, “Pay me double, ya twat!” Prob get sacked. Escorts tho, they’re pros—smooth, clever, like Haku dodgin’ spells. “I’ve got a job to do,” they’d say, and off they go. Respect, man. Total respect.

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Anyway, I grab a coffee and head to the beach. The sun’s shining, and I’m feeling good. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and tries to steal my sandwich! I’m flailing my arms like a madman, yelling, “Get away, you feathered thief!” People are staring, and I’m just like, “Yeah, this is my life now.”

'Summer schedule' for trains starting Sunday / Article